Soon the house will be stark and bare
The place where hot dogs surround you everywhere
I know full well that the house ain't mine
But the Stumpers let me stay an awful long time

There's much I'll miss after I leave
Toppers on that list is Loud/Dirty Steve
No more proposals on the porch
No more lamppost lassooing dorks

Chorus
Oh man, oh man, I'll miss those chumps
On that couch there's nary a lump
It's a no-brainer, it's not a stumper
Thanks to the fellas, a.k.a. the Stumpers

I've both journey to Cost Co. to get vast vats of Windex
And been witness to Biker Dave in rockstar spandex
I've seen on the porch deals of drugs
And y'all have been privileged to see instrumental "No Scrubs"

I got a new best friend, Creature, case I get in a rut!
I played the role of Eyore getting creamed in put-put!
The Valdez was my bureau!
The Stumpers are my heroes!
Puking up sangria instead of beer-os

Chorus

During my stay in the front yard sprung roses
I have watched VH1 from my head to my toe-ses
I hope I haven't been too much of a chore
Know what's funny? May potata, June Potata, four!

This silly ol' song is just my way of saying thanks
Vacant couches will miss ol' Sibank
Don't fret you Stumpers I will keep in touch
But most of all I wanna thank you so damn much

chorus